Lessons from a Zombie Movie: Dawn of the Dead

Here's a brief rundown of some reminders from this classic tale of the undead.

• Grab your keys. Or the keys to whatever vehicle you plan to escape in. This helps eliminate the need to learn how to hot-wire a care with an audience of undead.
• Get some shoes. They don't ever explain how the girl in bare feet walked over the broken glass, but her feet would be awfully cut up. Shoes keep you free from injury and help you to be always ready to flee.
• Secure your shelter. Check that the doors and windows are closed. Also check for any undead hiding in closets, stairwells, or hallways. You don't want any surprises after you've gotten settled in.
• Make an SOS or other sign to tell rescue workers where you are. Unless you plan to keep moving, you will eventually want to be rescued. If you want someone to know where you are, make it easy to spot you. Be especially wise to make an SOS large enough to be seen from a distance and/or aircraft. If possible, make your presence known outside. However, this is not worth risking becoming yummy zombie burgers.
• Take the guns from the crazies. If you find yourself taking shelter with someone who's mental status is questionable, secure the weapons. You don't need to be fighting the undead and the unmedicated.
• While malls are risky due to the number of hiding places and entrances/exits to be secured, they do provide plenty of supplies. This should be taken into account when considering alternative shelters.
• Once again, rescue missions are always a bad idea. Become a cold-hearted zombie-survivor as soon as possible and just leave the other people outside.
• White boards and dry erase markers are always handy. You never know when you might need one. Start carrying one around even before the zombies come. Trust me, you'll put it to good use.
• Find ways to have fun. Play board games like chess, or create fun zombie-centered games like shoot the celeb look-alike.
• Don't sneak up on people. It's just not nice. Be polite an announce your presence. People are armed after the zombies come and you don't want to get shot.
• If you are unfamiliar with firearms, learn where the safety is and make sure it is off before you enter any dangerous areas. If you aren't sure, point the gun and shoot. If it fires, the safety is off.
• Let me just say this again, because people don't seem to get the hint. If your animal companion is freaked out or running for its life, do the same. Seriously people, they survived without weapons for a reason.
• Now, as part of being a cold-hearted zombie-survivor, if you promise to shoot someone should they become infected, do so. Just because the world's gone to hell, that doesn't mean you can welch on a promise.
• To sum this all up, now's the time to get in touch with your inner pyromaniac. Explosives and fire are great and can come in handy. So channel your angry teenage self and blow it all up!

That's it for today. Be safe!

Zombie Plans: For the Workplace

You spend 40 or so hours at work each week. Therefore, unless you're asleep, you will probably be at work when the zombies strike. So what do you do?

• First things first, the company's profit margins no longer matter. It's time to think survival first.
• Do you have plans to meet up with others? Are you going home to be with your wife or meeting your brother at ye ol' hunting lodge? Do you by chance work someplace that will make a good shelter like a military base warehouse without any windows? Also be aware if you work someplace that seems like a good shelter such as a convenience store or hospital. Hospitals always fall to the undead and have a large number of easy victims. You can disregard that oath you sorta said in college and run like hell.
• Now it's time to look at your coworkers. Who will be a valuable asset to you in this time? Now's the time to start making these decisions. Which coworkers have zombie plans of their own? They're likely to be good starting points. Which coworkers give you the feeling like they might go postal and end up on an FBI watch list? They might be good to have on your side, or they might go all Criminal Minds on you when the blood starts flying. 
• Also be aware of which coworkers are likely to be a burden in your time of need. If Sally bawls her eyes out when the copier jams, she won't be much help. The guy who is always looking for his stapler and can't see five inches in front of him is really only useful for one thing: speed bump. If Marge is nine months pregnant, she will slow you down. (You might want to reconsider if Marge is nine months pregnant with your off-spring, but remember, you are a cold-blooded zombie-survivor now. Is this really the best time to get all parental?)
• Now, if you don't drive to work, or worse, drive a tiny little sportscar, you might want to consider stealing the janitor's pick-up. You will likely need to do some off-roading. Try to find an all terrain vehicle that looks good and sturdy, preferable one with a higher profile so you can clear the bodies on the highway. The afore mentioned lunatic's car might also be a good choice if you think he might have some shooting supplies handy.
• Next, if you are leaving work, what is your escape plan? Here's where the rest of that planning comes in handy. Let's say you're the first to learn of the impending doom drooling it's way towards your cubical. Who do you tell? Telling the whole office will either get you laughed at, or worse, cause a panic potentially blocking your exit. Keep your mouth shut and only tell those who you need to have on your team, if you need them at all. Calmly exit the building and continue to your safe location.
• Another thing to consider: Now that your company's profits are not an issue, and you won't be getting that next paycheck anytime soon, loot whatever you can. If Dave has a case of Ramen in the break room, it no longer matters what that label says. Oh, and Cindy's bottle water stash is up for grabs as well. Manners don't matter in the zombie apocalypse, and you probably won't see your coworkers alive again anyways, so who cares if you piss them off?
• One last thing: You never know in who's zombie plan you may or may not be included. Be wise. Be nice to your coworkers up until the time of zombie death. This may save your life. No one's going to rescue the jerk from the fourth floor, but that really nice guy who seems to be prepared for anything? He's on my team.

Zombie Gear Stop

Today's Zombie Gear Stop is Zed's Zombie Ranch. These unique signs, stakes, and shirts will help you to redecorate once the zombies have taken over. Keep the salesmen away with with this adorable sign:

And warn your friends with this t-shirt:

Check out Zed's amazing selection of items for your future zombie shelter here:

http://www.etsy.com/shop/zedszombieranch?ref=seller_info

Just to ponder...

Last night my dreams were a combination of Game of Thrones and zombie movies. The Starks are pretty good zombie-killers! What fictional character would you want on your zombie-killing team?

Lessons from a Zombie Movie: Walking Dead

Ok, I know Walking Dead is a TV show now a movie... but it's close enough. Here are some pointers from the first season. If you want to continue your education, tune into AMC this Sunday, October 16th for season two!

• Once again, do not undervalue the importance of a coma. Also, if your loved one is in a coma, don't assume they're dead.
• Headshot. Put simply, destroying the brain is always the the best course of action.
• Learn to blend in. This could mean using side streets and staying inconspicuous, or it could mean disguising yourself as a zombie. Either way, being unnoticeable to the zombie horde gives you greater potential for movement. On that note, keep quiet and block out unnecessary light. Only have enough light/fire for what you absolutely need.
• If a door say, "Do not open. Dead inside." keep your distance.
• Look for forms of transportation that do not require gas and make minimal noise: bicycles and horses are both good choices. The horse can even become a distraction if need be. And don't feel bad for the horse, in almost every movie not made by Disney, the horse dies. It's just a fact of life. On the topic of animals, if they are freaked out and don't want to go down that road, listen to them. They usually have a reason for getting so upset!
• If you evacuate from your home, but have to leave loved ones behind. Leave a note. It's only polite.
• Arm the children. They can fight off the undead as well, and its better to learn now than not at all. Also, be mindful of your ammo, and remember, malay weapons are always best.
• Know the zombies. Be watchful, but don't keep a zombie lab rat. Know what the symptoms are of early infection and how the disease progresses if it's slow. Also, watch for how the zombies hunt. How do they find food? If you can answer that question, you will be better able to stay under their radar.
• Face protection. Once again, your face is covered in open mucus membranes that are easily contaminated. Guard your face from blood splatter.
• Communication towers will quickly go down. CB radios and walkie-talkies will continue as long as you can keep power to them. Just be careful about following a recording of unknown origin.
• Military vehicles can be great transports. Just remember to clear any bodies and preferably hijack one with gas that you can drive.
• Don't risk a rescue mission. That guy and that bag of guns really aren't worth it.
• Make an alarm system. If something enters your camp, you should know about it. Early detection is key in preventing cancer and zombie deaths.

Zombie Plans: For the Home

Let's take some time to think out a good zombie plan if you happen to be at home during the initial outbreak. Here are some tips for you as you make your plans this month.

• Know your escape routes. If your loved one happens to be patient zero you will need a way out and fast.
• Know the ways in. If the zombies are outside, you will need to block all entrances. This means windows, doors, sliders, basements, everything. 
• Get a dog. Not only are they proven to deter thieves, they can alert you to the incoming undead before you might otherwise be aware. However, also be aware that in some cases animals can be infected as well. Your beloved pooch might try to eat your brains.
• On that note, state detaching. Your neighbor who bakes those yummy cookies? Probably a zombie. The girls in your scout troupe or the boys on your tee-ball team, probably going to try to eat you some time soon.
• However, some neighbors can be assets. The crazy old man down the road who is convinced that the Commies are still after him probably has a large supply of rations and a bunker in his basement. The retired Navy Seal is probably a good one to have on your side as well. Don't forget, hunters, policemen, and other service personnel can also be a source of supplies.
• Look for neighbors who can provide essential services as well. Neighbors to hit the top of the list include medical professionals, those trained in any type of combat, and those with unique survival skills.
• Put your neighbors in your plan. Who will you try to rescue? Whose door will you knock on when your roommate tries to eat you?
• Know the local sources of supplies. You might go across town to buy organic produce, but when the zombie apocalypse happens the convince store around the corner is probably best. Where's the closest gas station? Fast route to the next city or rural area? What about the least traveled areas? Remember, you won't be the only one headed to Wal-mart.
• What supplies do you already have? Think of food and medical supplies as well as potential malay weapons. Guns are nice, but that signed collectors baseball bat doesn't need ammo. Your shovel or broomstick can work in a pinch as well. Also, remember to raid the kitchen for knives, the bigger the better.
• Have a plan for family and friends on who will go where if you plan to meet up. Also, it might be good to come up with a plan of how you will tell if they are infected or not such as a code word or complicated hand sign.
• If the zombies are outside, do not leave. Just sit back and enjoy the apocalypse. Either they will leave or someone will come and get you. Or you might just spend the rest of your days inside those four walls. In any case, be prepared to overcome cabin fever. Comic books, Magic the Gathering, perhaps even a video game or two... Just find something to pass the time.

Zombie Gear Stop

As part of your preparation for the impending doom of the living, you will need to stock up on supplies. Number one on any lady zombie killer's list: making sure you don't start to smell like the undead. Today's featured Gear Stop is an etsy shop filled with handmade bath and body products to keep you fresh after your days of beheading the undead. Bloodbath provides awesome products to keep you clean from head to toe as well as some zombie and Dexter items to brighten your shelter space. Bloodbath answered some questions about their zombie preparations:

Q: What's your favorite zombie movie?
A: Aaah! Zombies!

Q: What's your favorite zombie item in your shop?
A: Zombie Love Body Wash (Find that item here.)

Q: Do you have a zombie plan?
A: Yes.

Q: What is the most important part of a zombie plan?
A: Fitting in... act like a zombie to throw them off your trail.

Q: What do you love most about zombies?
A: I love that they are constantly hungry. No maliciousness, they just want to eat.

Q: How do you think the zombie apocalypse will begin?
A: A Blackout. Lack of refrigeration and spoiled milk.

There you have it. Bloodbath is not only prepared, but on the look out for those curds and whey. Stop by Bloodbath's etsy shop and get stocked up for that great black out. Use the coupon code: aaahzombies for 10% off!

Bloodbath's shop can be found at this link:
http://www.etsy.com/shop/Bloodbath?ref=seller_info

Lessons from a Zombie Movie: 28 Days Later

As part of your awareness training, I wanted to bring you tips that we have learned from other people's encounters with the undead. As the only evidence of other encounters exists within film and literature, these are the resources I shall pull from. Today I present you with tips and hints from the film 28 Days Later.

First mistake of the movie: Lab animals infected with God-knows-what should not be set free. I don't care how much of an animal rights activist you are, you are not prepared to handle biologically unstable chimps.  Leave the monkey transport to the professionals.

Next comes the issue of food. Now, in this scenario they are consuming large amounts of sugar for their energy. This leads to headaches and sugar crashes. Instead, you should eat the most natural and simple foods you can. Fruit, veggies, and meat are best when you can find them, whole grains when you can't. Sure, the processed food lasts longer, but your blood sugar will be on a roller coaster ride. Strive to maintain stable blood sugar for the most energy and fewest crashes.

This movie also teaches us a great deal about the value and risk of other people. First, having those with you that you can trust can be a great help, they can keep watch at night and keep you from going mad. However, you should be wary of strangers, and keep your physical distance until you are sure that they are not infected/zombies. This is not the time to offer free hugs.

On the topic of people, be wary of military regimens. Military personnel can provide a great deal of support and security. However, these men and women are no longer a part of a larger national organizational system. Individuals with military background can be just as dangerous as they are beneficial. Choose your interactions with military carefully.

Zombies are not pets. They do not make good research subjects. They should not be kept chained in your backyard. (I feel like this should be a given, but apparently some idiot always thinks it's a good idea to keep a zombie as a pet. Just get a chinchilla.)

This one you might not have much choice about, but coma patients seem to always last through the initial onset of infected/zombie hordes. Not only in this movie, but in other pieces of work as well, your main character was in a coma or coma-like state during the onset of the apocalypse. If you know it's coming, try to find your way into a deep sleep in a hospital, but you probably won't be that lucky.

Another place of interest. People seem to always go to the church building, and they always get attacked. Churches might seem like the place to go after the infected start eating people, you know you should probably repent for that little stunt in college, but it doesn't work out. Here's why: everyone else freaked out and went to the church, too! Therefore, the church is a large building full of people and odds are one will start eating the rest. Say your prayers elsewhere.

Ok, now here's a basic health lesson. If the virus is transmitted through contact with blood/saliva in your blood or mucus membranes (eyes, nose, mouth), then cover your freaking mouth and eyes! Seriously people, didn't you learn this stuff in school? Wear a face mask and goggles and you won't be getting any stray blood in places it won't come out.

Search and rescue missions, this is where it gets tricky. Obviously you want to save your loved ones. However, you need to think about survival. Only attempt to save those closest to you, or those who will of the greatest benefit. Also, limit your search and rescue missions to the first week, maybe week and half of the onset of the epidemic. Otherwise, you are likely wasting your time and taking too great a risk.

How to deal with the infected. Zombies are not people. They were people, but no longer. If a travel companion is infected, or you suspect that they are infected, they are no longer your friend. They are now the predator looking for prey and you should take immediate action.

Gear is very important. If you are holding up in a specific location, find ways to block your entrance or create an alarm (soda cans or shopping carts). Also, if possible swipe some riot gear. The cops don't need it any more. If traveling, always have a spare tire. Raid the supermarkets and pharmacies whenever possible for additional supplies and carry as much as you can. When picking out your weapon, malay weapons and knives/swords are best. Guns may be great for longer range attacks but require ammo. If you run out of ammo your gun becomes a club, and less handy than a baseball bat. Have enough equipment/supplies for approximately two months.

Where to go: Do not go into a building unless you have to or are looking for supplies. If there is a stampede of rats, follow the rats. If it's bad enough to scare away those vermin, you should probably not wait around to see it. Now, many people want to follow the radio broadcast that repeats over and over that there's no infected at such and such place. This is tricky. If the broadcast repeats you don't even know if it's still true. Even if there are no infected, you don't know who or what will be waiting for you. Weigh your options carefully, this may not be your best bet.

Beware the fast and stealthy zombies, and be wary of birds. They seem to always be bad news.

And don't kiss a guy covered in zombie blood. Never mind the safety issues, that just plain gross.

The Importance of a Plan

During this time of the Zombie Apocalypse Awareness Month, I shall be highlighting some important aspects of zombie preparedness. In particular, I shall address some zombie plan issues. Today's topic: Why is a zombie plan important?

First, it is always the ones who don't expect the zombie apocalypse who get hit first. Be prepared and be wary!

Second, when that first zombie bites, all chaos will break loose. Will you be panicking with the masses or will you remain calm and stick to the plan?

Thirdly, the game here is survival. When the zombies attack this will become a game of Darwinism at it's finest. You may be the strongest, or the best marksmen, but will you be able to survive in your fortress? You may be the smartest, but can you find a weapon in your office?

Next, those with the plans become the leaders. Governments and military will fall once the undead roam and groups will need a wise ruler. Will you be the next great dictator? Or will this be your Battle of Waterloo?

Finally, the most important reason you should have a zombie plan: So you don't become a zombie yourself, unless of course, that is your plan...