Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Lessons from a Zombie Movie: Dawn of the Dead

Here's a brief rundown of some reminders from this classic tale of the undead.

  • Grab your keys. Or the keys to whatever vehicle you plan to escape in. This helps eliminate the need to learn how to hot-wire a care with an audience of undead.
  • Get some shoes. They don't ever explain how the girl in bare feet walked over the broken glass, but her feet would be awfully cut up. Shoes keep you free from injury and help you to be always ready to flee.
  • Secure your shelter. Check that the doors and windows are closed. Also check for any undead hiding in closets, stairwells, or hallways. You don't want any surprises after you've gotten settled in.
  • Make an SOS or other sign to tell rescue workers where you are. Unless you plan to keep moving, you will eventually want to be rescued. If you want someone to know where you are, make it easy to spot you. Be especially wise to make an SOS large enough to be seen from a distance and/or aircraft. If possible, make your presence known outside. However, this is not worth risking becoming yummy zombie burgers.
  • Take the guns from the crazies. If you find yourself taking shelter with someone who's mental status is questionable, secure the weapons. You don't need to be fighting the undead and the unmedicated.
  • While malls are risky due to the number of hiding places and entrances/exits to be secured, they do provide plenty of supplies. This should be taken into account when considering alternative shelters.
  • Once again, rescue missions are always a bad idea. Become a cold-hearted zombie-survivor as soon as possible and just leave the other people outside.
  • White boards and dry erase markers are always handy. You never know when you might need one. Start carrying one around even before the zombies come. Trust me, you'll put it to good use.
  • Find ways to have fun. Play board games like chess, or create fun zombie-centered games like shoot the celeb look-alike.
  • Don't sneak up on people. It's just not nice. Be polite an announce your presence. People are armed after the zombies come and you don't want to get shot.
  • If you are unfamiliar with firearms, learn where the safety is and make sure it is off before you enter any dangerous areas. If you aren't sure, point the gun and shoot. If it fires, the safety is off.
  • Let me just say this again, because people don't seem to get the hint. If your animal companion is freaked out or running for its life, do the same. Seriously people, they survived without weapons for a reason.
  • Now, as part of being a cold-hearted zombie-survivor, if you promise to shoot someone should they become infected, do so. Just because the world's gone to hell, that doesn't mean you can welch on a promise.
  • To sum this all up, now's the time to get in touch with your inner pyromaniac. Explosives and fire are great and can come in handy. So channel your angry teenage self and blow it all up!
That's it for today. Be safe!

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